Hi Ho, Hi Ho....

I woke up at 4:00 this morning to check on the kids during a thunderstorm.  Mary Ashtyn and her spend the night company weren't fazed by the storm.  Teenagers can sleep through anything!!!  As I moved into Reece's room, where he and Lily slept (she asked to sleep with GuGu last night), she was sleeping all snuggled up to him.  It took my breath away to watch them sleep.  So sweet and quiet!!  If you know these two, quiet is very unusual for them!!  Lately, Lily has even been talking in her sleep.    

I have always loved to watch my babies sleep.  As I moved around to kiss them, Lily woke up and needed to turn over.  She is sleeping in knee immobilizers now to help prevent knee contractures, so it's harder for her to move herself in the night.  Her leg was hurting, so I took the brace off and rubbed her knee for a few minutes.  She looked up at me and puckered her little lips for a kiss.  Oh, how I love this sweet girl.  After I took her to the restroom and got her tucked back in bed, my tears started  and now I'm sitting in the dark sobbing.

I started back to work yesterday and it's the hardest thing I've ever done.  We've faced some tough things in the past 9 months between hip surgery, a body cast, and a Muscular Dystrophy diagnosis.  Nothing compared to walking out the door yesterday and leaving my kids after getting to be "just" their Mom for so long. 

Don't get me wrong, I love my job, the people I work with, and especially the kids that I have in speech therapy!!  I was so glad to see my co-workers yesterday and I'm looking forward to seeing my students again after so long. 

It's just different now.  Our life is so different.  There are walkers, standers, AFOs, knee immobilizers, a Cough Assist, and a portable suction machine scattered throughout our house.  There is even a placard hanging on my rear view mirror for handicapped parking.  There is a little girl who I had not even held in my arms a year ago that I love so much now it hurts!!  More than anything, my heart is so different. 

Lily makes me realize how fragile life is and that we need to enjoy every minute of it.  I honestly don't want to spend all day without her.  Where is Ellen or Oprah?  Anybody got connections to get them to pay off our house, car, and adoption loan so that I can stay home??  ANYBODY??  Yeah, me either!!! 

My heart is here with Mary Ashtyn, Reece, and Lily Joy...but my paycheck is there, at my job.  So, it's off to work I go.

Pray for me today and for the other Mamas that you know leaving their babies and heading off to work, it's tough sometimes.